Lessons for Living  
     
"How to Avoid Trouble: STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN"

"STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN" is a well-known slogan that you might remember from grade school education. It taught us the basics of pedestrian traffic safety.

Classroom posters and jingles were used to remind us to come to a complete stop at the street corner, look both ways, and listen for the sound of approaching cars before we crossed the street. This practical slogan, which taught us traffic safety as children, can also be useful in our emotional life as adults. It can remind us to practice the "emotional safety" of not overreacting to things that happen to us.

The next time you find yourself caught up in emotional distress, such as excessive anger, sadness, guilt, or worry, call a time-out and STOP what you are doing. Next, LOOK to see if you can discover what event has caused your distress.

Perhaps someone insulted you with a spiteful comment, or you may have awkwardly stumbled through an embarrassing situation. You could be experiencing unfair criticism on your job, or it may be that a significant relationship has suddenly ended. Whatever it is, once you identify the cause of your reaction, LISTEN to what you are telling yourself about it.

What are you thinking? What is your inner dialogue like? If it involves misinterpretation, overreaction, dwelling on the negative, or imagining a fearful future, you are most likely creating trouble that you don't need. Much of the emotional distress of daily life comes from what we listen to ourselves saying about the things that happen to us rather than the actual events. When we can STOP, LOOK, and really LISTEN to our inner dialogue, we may find ways of challenging what we are thinking and tone down our emotional response.

Our inner appraisal of life's happenings often occurs out of a habitual thinking style that we can interrupt with a few confrontational questions. For example, if a relationship has ended, and you are busy convincing yourself you will never be loved again, ask, "Is what I am thinking really true? What is the evidence? Am I jumping to conclusions?" These questions challenge the validity of your thoughts.

You might also ask, "Am I overemphasizing the negative? Am I making something unpleasant into a catastrophe?" These questions help modulate the intensity of your reaction.

You can control your tendency to predict a negative future ("I will be alone forever.") by asking, "How do I know what will happen, Or, "Is there another more helpful way to look at the situation?"

Furthermore, try identifying some of your typical stressful thoughts by listening for key misery-inducing words such as "always," "never," and "should." For example, "This always happens to me, I never get what I want. I should just give up." Such exaggerated thinking only increases emotional distress.